The Self-eree

December 10, 2021

The referee is there to make the calls.

You’re there to win.

Are you both experiencing the same game?

In his book The Inner Game of Tennis, Timothy Gallwey illustrates that the ref experiences the outer game while the player experiences the inner game.

For example, the player’s serve goes out of bounds. What does she do? She grimaces and then trashes herself: “Terrible! How could you miss that?! Look at the score…Grrr…” She hangs her shoulders and shakes her head on the way to get in position for the next serve.

And what about the ref? The ref sees the ball land outside the line, too. He simply says: “Out.”

Can the inner and outer games be avoided? Are we bound to be swept up in the drama of the inner game, while the ref is coolly involved in the outer game?

It’s easy for the ref to be a neutral observer because he has no stake in the outcome.

But Gallwey demonstrates that any of us can do both.

Develop an inner game that wants to observe as badly as it wants to win.

Then a missed shot can both disappoint and be a data point.

With a self-eree that fair, your performance may surprise you.

Turn this minute into a moment

Next time you misstep: e.g. miss an easy shot, say something you regret, break a dish, forget something you promised, notice what you’re telling yourself. Are you judging yourself and the situation fairly like a neutral referee? Or are you involved in the drama of an inner game? Commit to seeing the situation as clearly as possible. In this way, you stay causative.

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